Love RIGHT, Love HARD, or {LOVE WRONG}

Last night I was on twitter, and I was talking about my cousin. I used to say he is the true definition of Male "WHORE!" But as I think about it more is he really that? We all have our own definitions of what a relationship is supposed to be like, but whose right and whose really wrong? Who are we to tell them if their right or wrong??

My cousin has a live in girlfriend that hes been with since I can remember at least 13 years. He loves her to death and will do anything for her. He has a side main chick also. I know your wondering what a side main chick is, so was I. 

A side main chick is someone that you love also, but for whatever reason you can't be with her. You treat her just like she's the only one for you and you sincerely care about her and want to have her in your life forever. He also said he tries to give her a lot of time and treats her special because he doesn't want her to CHEAT on him!! I said but your cheating and he said she knew my situation when she got in, she chose to stay so why cheat. We do everything except without the title! I DIED!!

Then there's the "f*ckables"!! That should be plenty self-explanatory.

While I don't really condone this, I really thought about it! He was so sincere when he was talking about his {Side Main Chick!} Although he may have meant well I just don't get how anyone could live with being the {Side Main Chick} for the rest of their lives. It would probably be one thing if she talked to other people or even made the attempt whenever she felt ready, but to just be fine with it forever? I don't knock anything anyone is doing, as I have truly done my FAIR SHARE of dirt but to really sit back and think on this I have to wonder if she really understands the situation? But then she's been doing it for 4 years now and is as happy as ever.


Her motto is just to be happy for right now! To live in the now and not worry about anything or anyone else but herself! She said he makes her heart smile and she is HAPPY living for today, because she doesn't even know if she is going to make it to see tomorrow! If she doesn't live to see another day she is happy right where she is! It may not be perfect for anyone else, but it's just perfect for her!

It gave me chills! To not worry about what anyone else thinks and to search for your own happiness, once you found it to hold onto it because your ultimately happy!!

Although I may not choose to live the rest of my life like that, I totally want to have that true content happiness! You only have one life!! Be happy!!

#PROFOUND

Matters of the {HEART} vs {LIE}...

Is there a difference in LIES? A simple little needless lie could mess up everything beautiful to you. A beautiful bond you have with someone can disappear after one lie! I lied to my "him"! I have no doubt he's lied to me before and I've witnessed it just never said anything. He has trust issues and although he may not have trusted me with everything, I feel like he did feel that I was the one important person in his life that he could trust more then most! Now I lied about something soooo small and he can't get it out of his head! I wish there was a way I could have a do over and just tell him the truth but I can't!!

There is so much about us that is wrong, I know it can't last forever but we were happy!! The closest to being happy I have ever been. So many people survive from lies and become bigger and better then ever, but we aren't most people. It bothers me to have put us in this position but we're here! I tried to make him trust me by saying it was so small and blah, blah, blah... But truth is I was wrong!!! It was a LIE! I tried to apologize but he has no reason to forgive me. The fact that I know I lied and his reaction to people who lie to him makes me know I gotta let go... I don't know if this would be Sabotage but I don't want him to wonder if every time I open my mouth I'm just lying! I don't want him to doubt me!

I honestly don't know what to do and I am tired of trying to wreck my brain. The right thing to do is to just let him go because I KNOW HIM!! I don't want the awkward feelings that's coming next. I don't wanna be afraid to even speak not knowing what he is thinking! But "MY HEART WON'T DO WHAT MY MIND TELL'S IT TO..."

Its so funny because I was just talking to him about how much better we are and with one sentence I ruined our progression, and I just can't go back to square 1!



Matters of the heart are ALWAYS the hardest!

I wish I could just know that he will forgive and forget, but its just not realistic...

#LIFE