Is there a difference in LIES? A simple little needless lie could mess up everything beautiful to you. A beautiful bond you have with someone can disappear after one lie! I lied to my "him"! I have no doubt he's lied to me before and I've witnessed it just never said anything. He has trust issues and although he may not have trusted me with everything, I feel like he did feel that I was the one important person in his life that he could trust more then most! Now I lied about something soooo small and he can't get it out of his head! I wish there was a way I could have a do over and just tell him the truth but I can't!!
There is so much about us that is wrong, I know it can't last forever but we were happy!! The closest to being happy I have ever been. So many people survive from lies and become bigger and better then ever, but we aren't most people. It bothers me to have put us in this position but we're here! I tried to make him trust me by saying it was so small and blah, blah, blah... But truth is I was wrong!!! It was a LIE! I tried to apologize but he has no reason to forgive me. The fact that I know I lied and his reaction to people who lie to him makes me know I gotta let go... I don't know if this would be Sabotage but I don't want him to wonder if every time I open my mouth I'm just lying! I don't want him to doubt me!
I honestly don't know what to do and I am tired of trying to wreck my brain. The right thing to do is to just let him go because I KNOW HIM!! I don't want the awkward feelings that's coming next. I don't wanna be afraid to even speak not knowing what he is thinking! But "MY HEART WON'T DO WHAT MY MIND TELL'S IT TO..."
Its so funny because I was just talking to him about how much better we are and with one sentence I ruined our progression, and I just can't go back to square 1!
Matters of the heart are ALWAYS the hardest!
I wish I could just know that he will forgive and forget, but its just not realistic...
#LIFE
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